I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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