saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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