i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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