I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
