just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You are a genius and a whore.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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