i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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