I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
