i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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