DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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