I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
