I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
