if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
