Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize