I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
