just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
