your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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