You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
