There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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