i permit you to call me
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
