I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
