i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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