So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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