if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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