I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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