Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I am available for nakedness
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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