when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
