Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
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