1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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