I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
