Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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