Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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