I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
