Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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