i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
