i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
