the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
