He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
