I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
