I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
