And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
