return my video game
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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