exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize