sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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