I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
