It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
