I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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