Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
