I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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