I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I met the friendliest cop last night
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize