I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
