Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
