do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
