Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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