She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Is it because I queefed?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This baby is an asshole
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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