the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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