when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
