you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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