What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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