So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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