that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
