four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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