My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
