how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i out mim tonsoeep
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
