the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
