there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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