Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
