It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
