just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
