i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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