Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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