You're my little dorito
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
