I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
