farters have to be the big spoon...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
