C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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